I lack neurotransmitters...
Afraid I might be suffering from dysthymia.dys·thy·mia \dis-ˈthī-mē-ə\ - noun
: a mood disorder characterized by chronic mildly depressed or irritable mood often accompanied by other symptoms (as eating and sleeping disturbances, fatigue, and poor self-esteem) —called also dysthymic disorder
I often feel depressed and moody. To the point where I feel like crying, isolating myself from others, with no reason at all. I often misunderstood other people that usually leads me to starting a fight. They say depression is not just a state of mind. It is the result of changes and imbalance of neurotransmitters that carries signals in our brain and nerves. The factors that may cause depression are:
- family history - X
- trauma and stress - X
- physical conditions - X
- other psychological disorders (e.g. schizophrenia) - definitely X
- pessimistic personality (caused by dysthymia) - check
Even if I feel like I have everything I could ever asked for, I still feel empty. I don't know what I really am looking for. I don't know what to find in order for me to feel whole. I have a loving family. My parents love me very much. My brothers are also very supportive of me. Being the youngest and the only girl, they treat me like a princess, and I cannot ask for more. My career is doing well. In fact, I am living my dream now. My friends love me very much, and I know that they are proud of me. I know my blessings, and I am thankful for that. I'm just afraid of many things. Maybe that's it. My fears usually win over me. And, it's NOT GOOD.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
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No walls. No glass. No hype. no pretenses. Just Me.
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